The Mom Job: Giving Roots and Wings

Mother’s Day was on my mind last week when I developed an assignment for one of my Wise Women Write groups based on a short essay “Sweet William” by Judith Thurman. The piece fit nicely with motherhood as well as our topic of “expected versus unexpected.”  In it, Thurman told of reading a bedtime story with her son that contained an old Chinese proverb: “A parent owes a child two things: roots and wings.” My Google search didn’t pin down the exact origin of this quote, but whoever said it, was very wise…probably somebody’s mother.

Yesterday I visited my writer friend Jennifer, who—right in line with the writing topic—had experienced the unexpected last week, a badly broken leg. Her mom was there on duty, washing clothes, pitching in, and getting ready for next week when Jennifer needs to have inpatient surgery. I told her mom that I realize she didn’t sign up for this (I told Jennifer the same thing)—but, hey, what a way to celebrate Mother’s Day by coming out of retirement! When Jennifer told her mom I have four girls, she asked, “Oh, are any of them here?”

“No, the only one who’s here in town will be too busy working tomorrow at her restaurant to spend the day with me,” I said.

The irony…Jennifer will be spending many days under her mom’s loving care, all  because her “wings” had been beaten up. And my daughters are out there winging it on their own, as their semi-retired mom celebrates Mother’s Day for the first time without any of them home to celebrate with me.

But spending Mother’s Day alone is a good thing! Motherhood is the only job I know of that you labor tirelessly for around 18 years in order to work yourself out of a job. In Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow, Elizabeth Lesser says, “When you parent, you fall in love with a person who is always changing into someone else, and who you know will leave you.” But yet a mom isn’t  necessarily out of a job once children have grown; the job description change as a mom learns to let go, hoping those wings are in good working order.  Our children are supposed to fly away from home. And we are supposed to wave happily from the place where we provided those roots, believing that those roots are strong enough to keep our children coming back home, at least occasionally.

So Happy Mother’s Day to those women whose job it is to give children roots and wings. Maybe today you’ve reflected on motherhood as I’m doing, either on what it’s like being a mom  or what having a mom meant to you.  I got a head start yesterday when Daughter #2 sent me a list of thought-provoking questions for me to answer and hopefully share with her. I include  some of them in case you need some writing inspiration:

• If you could pass on one piece of advice to a future mother, what would it be?

• What did having children teach you about yourself, both strengths and weaknesses?

• What is the best thing your mother ever taught you?

• How do you feel when you reminisce about raising four girls?

• What sense of accomplishment do you feel when you realize you raised four strong, independent, unique women?

Whether or not your little chicks have flown the nest, I hope you celebrated the amazing job of being a mom, today and every day. And if your kids’ cards, flowers, calls and texts, Facebook posts, handmade gifts, and special treatment haven’t convinced you of how special you are, maybe this fun video will do the trick. Because you’re the Mom! (And if you’ve can pick up on every Momism in this song, you’re probably still a quick-thinking mom!)

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Tagged as: Mother, Mother's Day